me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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