As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
