tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Don't tell me you're on acid again
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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