I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
