I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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