p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
