turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
