I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
