I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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