Im at strip club and am horny
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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