i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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