tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Randomize
