it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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