Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
