Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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