I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
