i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
