dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
