I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
