what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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