I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
