About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
