I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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