I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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