i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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