Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
