I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I could make wine with my vomit
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
