There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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