Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
