dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
