Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
