So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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