You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
