my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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