I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
