Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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