I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
as a side note pls kill me
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
