I cannot find my penis.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
