I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
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