There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
