I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
