okay pat passed out under dana's car
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm like, not good at living.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
