You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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