Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
