Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
