Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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