You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
