At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Randomize
