she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
