He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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