did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
