pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
