You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
